Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
