I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
