he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
