It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
