One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
