I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
