She said her name was "party"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
