I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
