Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
