i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
