the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
