thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
