so explain again why im purple
no
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
