Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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