and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Small penises have feelings too.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
