It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
