i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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