shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize