How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
