There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
