I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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