Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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