just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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