I wish you could order shots online.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
