I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
