oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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