Umm I'm too high to move.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
