Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
