Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
should my penis look like a turkey
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
