Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize