Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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