Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
