She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
