My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
