Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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