I'm going to jail i love you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
