a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
time to smoke my breakfast
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
