Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
