i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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