I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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