woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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