Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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