I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
