3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
