She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
