Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
