Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
