My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
