I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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