when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
