no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
