Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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