Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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