I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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