Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize