I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
