My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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