On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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