It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
