I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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