I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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