1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
