you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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