i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
