Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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