I met the friendliest cop last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
