You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
