He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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