maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
